I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
