Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
