Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
