my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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