Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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