you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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