well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
