I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
babies were throwing up all over the place
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
