Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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