Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
