I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
