I haven't been this sober since birth.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
