You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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