bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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