JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
