Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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