bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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