So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
