I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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