Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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