So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Houston, we have a blender
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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