shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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