that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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