Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
