the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
