My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
