You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
