its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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