Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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