I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
