his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who died my cat blue again?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
