I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
