this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
