Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You took a bar mat shot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Randomize
