I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
