Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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