She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
