other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
