Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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