I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
