Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize