Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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