i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
