If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
