Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
