she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
