you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
