Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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