Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
