ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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