i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
