THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
