Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
