My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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