i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
