Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
