You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
