there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize