her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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