she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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