drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did I show you my penis last night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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