Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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