bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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