I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
