You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
