I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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