Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
