I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
