At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
