I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
