he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
