I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
