i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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