i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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