I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
